Lisa finished her Yoga practise and her mind was completely clear. She was determined to tell Tom today. She had struggled for this decision already too long.
Tom was sitting in the living room with a book in the hand. It was the bestseller about the man-woman relationship “Man are from Mars and woman are from Venus”. As Lisa sat next to Tom, he lifted his head and looked at her with a slight suspicion.
“Tom. I really appreciate all your efforts to make our relationship work. But don’t you see that your efforts during these 5 years were all for nothing?”
“Yes. Lisa, I realise. But I am the person who never gives up. If I set a goal, I will just persistently move forward until its victory.”
Lisa unconsciously raised the voice: “Victory? Who’s victory? You can not win here. Do you know why?”
“I know. Because my heart is not here.”
“Where is your heart?” Lisa asked, although she knew the answer.
“My heart is in my dreams.” He looked down.
“And your heart is with her. All the five years. I am not blind.”
“I can not change it. I can change my behaviours, my attitudes, but not my feeling. I am sorry.”
“Don’t feel sorry. I appreciate you to make all the efforts. Five years ago I asked you to stay because of the children. Now, they are out of the house. And you are free to leave.” She pointed to the door. Her voice was calm and determined, but warm and loving.
Tom looked at her again, surprised to watch her calm expression and realized that she was completely serious. A feeling of sadness emerged in his heart. He could not control that the tears came down from his eyes. He knew that she loved him, so much that she would give him the freedom to approach his happiness. He moved to her and hugged her so closely that she had little difficulties to breath. She cried and kissed him.
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Noodle Soup and Birthday Surprise
As a born Chinese I usually celebrate my birthday in a very simple way. My wife cooks some noodle soup for us all and we eat together. Noodle should symbolize a long life. No birthday present, no birthday cake and no “happy birthday” song. I am a happy person and we are a happy family. There is nothing extra needed.
This year when my birthday arrived, I did really not expect anything from any one, except the noodle soup. I stood up as usual at 6:45am and went to the kitchen. As I saw near my noodle soup (with an extra baked egg) a heart constructed with rose blossoms and in the middle of the heart a CD “The best guitar gems”, tears almost came down from my eyes.
I start to understand how much emotion can be hidden in the word surprise. Why don’t we just do a little more to our customers, employees or bosses than expected? Why shouldn’t we surprise them? It will make a huge difference and it costs little time and money. All you need is to have a heart to those you really care about.
This year when my birthday arrived, I did really not expect anything from any one, except the noodle soup. I stood up as usual at 6:45am and went to the kitchen. As I saw near my noodle soup (with an extra baked egg) a heart constructed with rose blossoms and in the middle of the heart a CD “The best guitar gems”, tears almost came down from my eyes.
I start to understand how much emotion can be hidden in the word surprise. Why don’t we just do a little more to our customers, employees or bosses than expected? Why shouldn’t we surprise them? It will make a huge difference and it costs little time and money. All you need is to have a heart to those you really care about.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Selective Memories: Improve Your Live Instantly
Years ago I learnt a method to improve my achievements. It is called success book. It tells you to write down every success during a day, big or small. That way you are much aware of your success. You can also create a love book or happiness book.
I know a woman who is very bright. She tells every small or big positive aspect of her life to everyone she likes, when she bought new shoes, new clothes, new jewelry, when she started to learn a new language or new music instrument, when she visited a new bar or restaurant, when she tried a new spa or ate a delicious cake.
On the other side when something negative happened to her, for example a car accident, she tried to remember the good side of it, e.g. the guy was nice or fortunately the cost of the repair was all covered by the insurance.
From above two examples I realize that maybe initially what happened did not really change. But if you emphasize the positive side of the reality, the positive side will have more weight to you. You select the things to remember you like. By any time of your life, it is not what you really have experienced, but what you can remember, will make up your (subjective) reality.
At the second stage however, when you get used to focus on the bright side of your life, your mood will be better, you will have higher energy level and you will have better judgment and make better decisions which will change your quality of live, improve your efficiency and increase your level of happiness.
I know a woman who is very bright. She tells every small or big positive aspect of her life to everyone she likes, when she bought new shoes, new clothes, new jewelry, when she started to learn a new language or new music instrument, when she visited a new bar or restaurant, when she tried a new spa or ate a delicious cake.
On the other side when something negative happened to her, for example a car accident, she tried to remember the good side of it, e.g. the guy was nice or fortunately the cost of the repair was all covered by the insurance.
From above two examples I realize that maybe initially what happened did not really change. But if you emphasize the positive side of the reality, the positive side will have more weight to you. You select the things to remember you like. By any time of your life, it is not what you really have experienced, but what you can remember, will make up your (subjective) reality.
At the second stage however, when you get used to focus on the bright side of your life, your mood will be better, you will have higher energy level and you will have better judgment and make better decisions which will change your quality of live, improve your efficiency and increase your level of happiness.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Motivation Factor Number ONE: Sense of Purpose
On the way to the office this morning, I observed 2 elderly people, maybe aged at 70, standing next to the traffic light, directing the flow of the walkers crossing the street. The temperature was 31 °C. Both of them wore a sign: Volunteer.
Then I observed some young, nice dressed ladies in the air-conditioned office building with the best views to the Huangpu River, got bored for what they have to do, waiting for the clock to reach 5:30pm, so they can enjoy the night life in Shanghai.
So I start to question myself what really motivate people to work, not just to do an ordinary work, but a job with passion, independently on how much one gets paid for. I reflected to my own 23 years working experiences with all the emotional ups and downs and came to the conclusion that people need strong sense of purpose to work with passion.
For me the purposes are
1) When the work has a component of personal development, either for me or for other people.
2) When the work really creates values, either for the company, other people or for myself.
If none of the above exists, I tent to switch off my light and fire. I will still do a job well. But I may not go the extra miles.
I am pretty sure that every one has his own sense of purpose. The manager’s task is to find it out and to design the job for the subordinates such that it makes sense (of purpose) to them.
Then I observed some young, nice dressed ladies in the air-conditioned office building with the best views to the Huangpu River, got bored for what they have to do, waiting for the clock to reach 5:30pm, so they can enjoy the night life in Shanghai.
So I start to question myself what really motivate people to work, not just to do an ordinary work, but a job with passion, independently on how much one gets paid for. I reflected to my own 23 years working experiences with all the emotional ups and downs and came to the conclusion that people need strong sense of purpose to work with passion.
For me the purposes are
1) When the work has a component of personal development, either for me or for other people.
2) When the work really creates values, either for the company, other people or for myself.
If none of the above exists, I tent to switch off my light and fire. I will still do a job well. But I may not go the extra miles.
I am pretty sure that every one has his own sense of purpose. The manager’s task is to find it out and to design the job for the subordinates such that it makes sense (of purpose) to them.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Emotional Write Offs
Are you an investor? Do you feel some times that you hold an investment too long, an investment which gets you nowhere, but you can’t just get rid of it, because it cost you already too much money, time and energy?
The same can happen with your emotional reality. Here an example. Let say you fall in love with some one who has absolutely no bridge to your emotional world. You tried to date with her, make presents, send flowers, send letters, emails, sms, make phone calls, say nice words, make compliments, take care of her where ever possible. But there is absolutely no response and no return. You get mad and can not concentrate on your work, but have to think of her, knowing with the certainty that it will get you nowhere.
What would you do? You say to yourself: “Stop. I made a terrible mistake in this emotional investment. And now I have to write off this investment.”
Close your eyes and start to imagine, that every thing from her is getting out from your body, your heart, your mind, slowly, but surely, away from you, to a far destination, that you do not know and do not care. Imagine that you can absolutely live in peace and harmony with the remaining pure YOU.
Say to her in your mind: “Good bye and good luck.”
Practice this more times, until nothing of her is left. Then you completed the write-off of your emotional investment. It is really as easy as like that.
The same can happen with your emotional reality. Here an example. Let say you fall in love with some one who has absolutely no bridge to your emotional world. You tried to date with her, make presents, send flowers, send letters, emails, sms, make phone calls, say nice words, make compliments, take care of her where ever possible. But there is absolutely no response and no return. You get mad and can not concentrate on your work, but have to think of her, knowing with the certainty that it will get you nowhere.
What would you do? You say to yourself: “Stop. I made a terrible mistake in this emotional investment. And now I have to write off this investment.”
Close your eyes and start to imagine, that every thing from her is getting out from your body, your heart, your mind, slowly, but surely, away from you, to a far destination, that you do not know and do not care. Imagine that you can absolutely live in peace and harmony with the remaining pure YOU.
Say to her in your mind: “Good bye and good luck.”
Practice this more times, until nothing of her is left. Then you completed the write-off of your emotional investment. It is really as easy as like that.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Worst and Best Case Strategy for Any Change
There is a strategy you can apply as a manager for any change in your professional and private life. I called this Worst and Best Case Strategy. It starts like this:
1) Ask yourself, what would be the worst case in this situation. Then find a person whom you know as the most negative, pessimistic one. Ask his/her view. Also a negative person has a great value here.
2) Accept that the worst case can really happen. When it happened, in which way can you accept it and re-organize your professional/private life in peace with it? How can you get out the most from this case?
3) Then use all your imaginations to define the best case. Talk with a most positive, creative, dreaming friend you know. Ask his/her view. Ask what all you can do to achieve the best case.
4) Your job is to do everything to improve the worst case and do everything to get as close as possible to the best case.
5) What finally comes out by your efforts might be some where between the worst and the best case. So you can be happy that the worst case did not happen and you are motivated to continue your efforts, because you have still room for improvements.
6) The best thing here is that you always focus on the actions and do not worry about uncertainties and possibilities.
A smart strategy, isn’t it?
1) Ask yourself, what would be the worst case in this situation. Then find a person whom you know as the most negative, pessimistic one. Ask his/her view. Also a negative person has a great value here.
2) Accept that the worst case can really happen. When it happened, in which way can you accept it and re-organize your professional/private life in peace with it? How can you get out the most from this case?
3) Then use all your imaginations to define the best case. Talk with a most positive, creative, dreaming friend you know. Ask his/her view. Ask what all you can do to achieve the best case.
4) Your job is to do everything to improve the worst case and do everything to get as close as possible to the best case.
5) What finally comes out by your efforts might be some where between the worst and the best case. So you can be happy that the worst case did not happen and you are motivated to continue your efforts, because you have still room for improvements.
6) The best thing here is that you always focus on the actions and do not worry about uncertainties and possibilities.
A smart strategy, isn’t it?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Personal Transformation
Everything in life has a positive meaning. What is the meaning of negative emotions, such as anger, frustration, dissatisfaction, hate, rage and jealousy? The definition of negative emotion is the emotion you actually do not like to happen.
Currently I am surrounded with people holding such emotions. I observed them and come to the conclusions that negative emotions are the source of energy to transform your life, internally and externally.
Internally, because negative emotion is a part of yourself. The way to handle it is to make yourself fully aware of it. How does it come? How does it go? In which part of your body does the emotion sit? Feel it completely. Enjoy it. Be grateful. Be generous. Accept it. Be aware that it is a priceless gift of life.
If you are completely aware of the negative emotion, then next time, when you have the temptation to let it come out from the inside to the surface, you will know, and without any intentional act, it will just disappear, there is no effort required. Try it out, you will be amazed.
Externally, because those are the real reasons causing you to quit a job you dislike, finish a marriage you hold to long, stop smoking, start studying an MBA program, go running 10 km every week, buy a car, sell a house, do Yoga, do Ballet, say “I love you” to some one you love so much and say “good bye” to some one you do not love any more.
When you finish the internal and external transformation, then you finished a phase of your personal development, often very painful. Then you become a new person and start a new life.
Currently I am surrounded with people holding such emotions. I observed them and come to the conclusions that negative emotions are the source of energy to transform your life, internally and externally.
Internally, because negative emotion is a part of yourself. The way to handle it is to make yourself fully aware of it. How does it come? How does it go? In which part of your body does the emotion sit? Feel it completely. Enjoy it. Be grateful. Be generous. Accept it. Be aware that it is a priceless gift of life.
If you are completely aware of the negative emotion, then next time, when you have the temptation to let it come out from the inside to the surface, you will know, and without any intentional act, it will just disappear, there is no effort required. Try it out, you will be amazed.
Externally, because those are the real reasons causing you to quit a job you dislike, finish a marriage you hold to long, stop smoking, start studying an MBA program, go running 10 km every week, buy a car, sell a house, do Yoga, do Ballet, say “I love you” to some one you love so much and say “good bye” to some one you do not love any more.
When you finish the internal and external transformation, then you finished a phase of your personal development, often very painful. Then you become a new person and start a new life.
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